Jesus christ its june. i've not done anything on this site in a couple of weeks because i've been very busy and having alot of adult real life problems. my kitten was very unwell for a wee bit there, she got spayed then the spay got very infected so i've been playing vet since then. its been really stressful, i love her so much. i also really dont want to pay my rent this month, the floor of my flat still hasn't been replaced since they removed it on the second of april and its damp. i feel so frustrated with it and i've done everything im meant to do but the letting agents are useless and haven't given us any update. I've been working alot too, 8 days in a row currently then off for 3, this is fine but ive had no time or money really to do pole dancing which is making me sad. because shifts are so short i can work every day but still not have enough money. rent will be coming out of my savings again today. i'll need to get another job at this rate, just something cash in hand i can do at the weekends or something. i feel stagnant. i need change, so tired.
when i get home from work at night i've been having loads of crazy dreams again. they always usually include work in some aspect, but i've found that always happens when you get home from work at night and you go straight to bed. i always start dreaming that i'm still in service and it takes me a while to realise 'oh shit im asleep i actually don't need to serve this person lol' which is a comforting revolation. i'm a little stressed about money but not in any real sense, i have my savings but i used a small chunk of them while i was unemployed, and i have a few things i'd really like to buy at the moment that i probably shouldn't, i also just paid my rent yesterday which all came out my savings again. i am working again now obviously and while the pay is better i don't know if i'm getting enough hours to actually feel that, which is worrying me. i probably need to pick up a shift a week maybe just cash in hand elsewhere just so i have money for my food shop so its not coming out my bank. i just want to be saving again is all. i fantasise sometimes about what it would've been like to be born into lots of money, i know realistically it leads to an unfulfilling life and lack of work ethic and independence, but sometimes its interesting to imagine you're one of those rich kids whose parents buy them a flat and a car when they go to uni, though i never went to uni and i can't drive
on another note the air has been smelling incredible early in the mornings, i feel very full of life now that its warm and sunny again, must bring yoga mat to park and stretch
the bus once hit a fox while i was taking it into town one day, i remember the driver pulling over to examine the spatter. funny how you remember things like that . i am on the bus home right now and very happy to be alive and to live life with all its things and its music and horrors i love my mum and i love the sun and i love 99p captn morgans strawberry daiquiris
things i will buy when i have more money
things i will buy when i have hunners of money